


catastrophe in the making

by mandopopguin



Category: Persona 2, Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Gen, au where baofus interpersonal skills didnt get nerfed, disclaimer author knows jack and squat about p5, ft. pretty much every playable character in p2, most unacceptable, there is a supreme lack of Stupid in the p2 tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2020-01-14 21:38:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18484879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mandopopguin/pseuds/mandopopguin
Summary: Akira smuggles a talking cat back from Tokyo, because of course he does. Everyone kindly pretends they don't notice.





	catastrophe in the making

**Author's Note:**

> sorry if this is incomprehensible my brains on its adhd bs and im on mobile

Akira's parents weren't shocked when a cat popped out of his bag, mostly because A) Akira had spent a good chunk of probation complaining about his new cat trying to eat all his food, and B) this was Jun's kid; of course he'd smuggled a cat out of Tokyo. From probation.

To his credit, Morgana had done a pretty good job of acting like a real cat while Jun was wrangling the entirety of the Phantom Thieves into staying for dinner, it's dark outside, you shouldn't be driving this late. Tatsuya had "casually" taken out enough plates for their entire party. (He had not been casual. He had stood in the entryway handing plates out like party favors.)

Their tiny abode was set up for 3 people and the occasional Eikichi "Oh I was just in the area and accidentally got you three these ugly matching Featherman sweaters" Mishina, plus slightly apologetic Miyabi bearing bread-basket gifts, so everyone was crammed into whatever corner they could find. Futaba ended up on top of the fridge.

It was fine, it was fun, and nobody questioned who exactly was speaking when Morgana piped up. Everyone got whatever blankets and pillows they could scavenge from storage for a massive blanket fort, and even though Makoto thought it was a terrific idea to fold up the blankets and leave at butts-o'-clock in the morning, Akira thought it was an okay way to part ways with his friends.

Morgana did not think Akira's early morning agenda of reheating curry and watching an hour of reruns in the skeletal remains of last night's blanket fort was okay, and he was very vocal about it.

"You're gonna get curry on the sheets," he whined.

"You don't have opposable thumbs to do laundry, so you don't get an opinion," Akira said, shovelling another spoonful of curry.

"Then share!"

"Get your own."

Tatsuya shuffled out of the master bedroom in the middle of Morgana giving Akira a lecture on helping the poor and needy.

"Did your friends leave?" Tatsuya asked.

"Yeah," Akira said.

"Is your cat hungry?"

"I'm starving!" Morgana cried. Like, literally cried. There was something sparkling sadly in his eyes. Did actual cats have tear ducts? "This is discrimination! Baseless punishment!"

"No, he's fine," Akira said.

"Okay," Tatsuya said. "We can get him food later. What does he eat?"

"Fatty tuna!"

"Dry kibble. The cheapest they have."

"NO!"

"Okay," Tatsuya said, a man of many words, before shuffling back into his bedroom.

Jun was less-than-awake, staring blearily at the ceiling like it could explain why he was awake at the unholy hour of 9 in the morning on a vacation day.

"Should we tell him we can hear his cat screaming about the literary parallels between his unjust probation and not sharing his curry?" Jun mumbled.

"Nah."

Uncle Katsuya showed up that evening with 2 (two) full plates of cookies looking incredibly anxious, as per usual, and fretting over Akira's wellbeing, as per usual. (The latter was a long-term consequence of his first time meeting Akira being the only day Tatsuya was in charge of dressing him, and something about the hideous electric lime puffy coat Tatsuya dragged out of cryogenic stasis set off every mother hen instinct Katsuya had ever had, ever, permanently.)

"Have you eaten?" He asked, like a normal person.

"Uh," Akira answered intelligently, potato chip bag in one hand and half-eaten chocolate bar in the other. "If I say no, can I have a cookie?"

Morgana scrambled into the foyer with all the grace and elegance of a swan on barbiturates. "I haven't eaten! I'm being STARVED!"

"I fed you an hour ago," Akira said.

Katsuya's brain was too busy short-circuiting to register that Morgana was speaking in tongues and whatever, because baby kitty tiny baby cat kitty.

Jun finally pulled himself away from the exhilarating art of basic astrophysics to see who was at the door and was greeted by Katsuya crying a little and--was he feeding Morgana treats? Where had he even gotten those?

Morgana looked very smug. Akira looked very betrayed.

"I like this guy," Morgana said. "I think I'll go live with him instead."

Jun turned back around to find an epi pen.

Katsuya went through an entire box of tissues that night, but he didn't end up in the ER going into anaphylactic shock again, so everyone counted it as a win.

"You're a traitor," Akira said the next morning, munching forlornly on his third cookie before noon.

Morgana looked very proud of himself. "I can't help if I'm the favorite nephew."

The next people to visit were Uncle Eikichi and Aunt Miyabi. Eikichi was toting an inordinate amount of bags, to nobody's surprise.

"The great Michel has arrived to see his favorite criminal!" He said, dramatics switch permanently flicked on.

"Papa's still asleep," Akira said.

"I guess you'll have to do, then," Eikichi grinned, ducking under the doorway.

Miyabi had her own single day bag on her arm and her usual pleasant smile on her face. "Welcome back, Akira. How was Tokyo?"

"Fine," Akira said. "Glad to be home."

"Not glad enough to feed me," Morgana grumbled, rolling onto Akira's feet.

"I just filled your bowl."

"Cat food is boring."

"Oh, you have a cat?" Miyabi asked. "He's very cute. What's his name?"

"Morgana."

Eikichi blinked. "When did you get a cat?"

"In Tokyo."

"Did you smuggle a cat on the train?"

"...Maybe."

"Very stylish." Eikichi gave an affirmative nod. "Bold. Efficient. I like it."

"Please don't encourage him," Tatsuya said, summoned by the "someone's making my kid think doing illegal things is cool" parental instinct. (Or maybe it was a cop instinct.)

"Tacchi!" Eikichi said at an almost-acceptable volume, crushing him in a bear hug.

"Hey," Tatsuya said in an almost-acceptable display of the friendship emotion.

Eikichi dropped his voice. "Why is Akira's cat talking?"

"I don't know. High school is rough. We don't want to ask."

"That's fair."

Eikichi did a very good job pretending he couldn't hear Morgana giving Akira a play-by-play of yesterday's Featherman episode for the rest of his visit. He also did a very good job pretending the limited-edition album Akira had been raving about on his Twitter for a month had magically spawned on his bed when Akira tried to pay him back for it. Eikichi was talented like that.

Aunt Lisa picked Akira up and spun him around when she showed up, screaming something about how she'd heard he'd been living in an attic and off of curry and burger challenges the entire time he'd been gone, why didn't you call me, I could have at least helped you decorate your room!

Aunt Chika's unconcerned pleas for Lisa to not break her nephew's ribs went unheeded. Akira could, however, see the fear in her eyes every time she spun into his field of vision after the phrase "living off of curry and burger challenges" left Lisa's lips.

There was the usual fussing over how Akira had grown oh so much since Lisa had last seen him. Akira regaled her with the enthralling tale of the three words of Cantonese he'd picked up solely to piss off Uncle Baofu. Lisa was very impressed.

She and Chika couldn't stay for very long, since they'd only stopped by on the way to whatever crazy project Chika was working on another hour north. (Chika was in her "travel outfit," which was an excuse to deck herself out in pajama pants and artfully wind-blown bedhead.)

Morgana still managed to make an appearance. Akira was pretty sure Morgana was excited to meet the family Akira had constantly almost suffocated trying to text at 2 in the morning under his bed sheets, but he wasn't going to call him out. For now.

Of course, Akira had somehow forgotten that Morgana was a mistake of a human. Shadow. Cat. Whatever.

"Who is this dazzling creature?" Morgana gasped, staring at Lisa in unabashed awe.

Lisa looked at Morgana in much the same way you would hypothetically look at a cat who just hypothetically tried to hit on you.

Chika was undeterred. "Kitty!"

Akira fixed Morgana with the same look he stared down shadows with when deciding whether to mercifully rob them at gunpoint or rip them apart. Chika continued acting on basic human instinct and tried to beckon Morgana in a terrifically undignified manner.

Jun and Tatsuya eventually got back from shopping with a suspicious amount of flower bulbs that hadn't been on the shopping list. Morgana spent the duration of their chit-chat getting head scritches from Chika and staring straight at Lisa.

Lisa and Chika left when the sun started threatening to set, but not before Lisa looked dead into Morgana's eyes and hissed "I'm married."

Morgana spent the next few days sulking. Akira thought it was hilarious.

Uncle Kei managed a 5-minute Skype call, which amounted to Morgana sitting on the keyboard while Akira tried and failed to make his face visible around him. The majority of the call was Akira trying to bribe Morgana to move, but Morgana firmly declared he would not move for anything short of fatty tuna.

Kei didn't seem to mind, since he was simultaneously doing paperwork and firing a regional manager via text, but he did end the call by telling Akira to keep up with his homework so he could buy his cat fatty tuna.

Morgana crowed over the number one man in Japan agreeing with him. Akira called Jun and left a voicemail stating his future plans of roughing it on the streets with his good friend and trusted confidant, Morgana, without breaking eye contact. Jun called him back an hour later and told him he could do that after he became an engineer and bought his loving, wonderful parents a Ferrari.

Aunt Elly dropped by for barely longer than Uncle Kei's Skype call with a silly keychain she'd brought Akira from Berlin and a promise to stay longer the next time she came out.

Morgana was oddly quiet. Akira figured it was the unsettlingly magical, all-knowing gleam in Elly's eyes. Or maybe it was the time he'd told Morgana about her attempts to summon Satan in his toilet when he was seven.

All was well and good and quiet until four of Akira's aunts "coincidentally" visited at the same time. From the way Aunt Yukino was eyeing Aunt Ulala the second she busted out the alcohol, it was definitely not a twist of fate. (The vague text Tatsuya had sent Akira reading "We just got you babysitters for tonight" may have influenced his conclusion on that.)

Aunt Maya took an inebriated Ulala crying the latest tips from Project Runway into her shirt very well, even when Ulala started exposing Maya's deepest, darkest fashion secrets. (Did you know half of Maya's closet was from middle school? Everyone knew, actually, but the last time someone had bothered to point that out, Ulala had tried to fight a tree.)

Morgana, in a fit of sympathy, had snuggled up to Ulala, because cats were good for emotional breakdowns. Ulala seemed grateful, at least, and had an endless supply of head pats available.

"Ma-ya, you can't put a pattern on a pattern," Ulala sniffed. "Tell her, Morgana."

"You shouldn't mix patterns," Morgana solemnly confirmed.

"See? He knows what's up."

Maya nodded cheerfully. "I love you."

"I love you too," Ulala sobbed. "But seriously, Maya, you can't wear hot pink and magenta in the same outfit."

"Black and pink is a good combination," Morgana said.

"Should we be concerned that she's talking to the cat?" Aunt Anna asked, already halfway through a bottle of straight vodka.

"No," Aunt Yukino said. Her response may have been influenced by the fact that she was videoing the entire thing.

Anna eventually got bored of staring at Yukino's face and agreed to crush Akira in Smash. Her being tipsy didn't help him at all, which was kind of disheartening until he remembered that chugging alcohol and beating teenagers at video games was probably the majority of her last year of high school.

Yukino eventually managed to wrangle everyone into bed, but not before videoing a 3-minute montage of Ulala lifting Morgana above her head and declaring him her best friend.

"I think everyone likes Morgana more than me," Akira said the next day. It was lunchtime by the time his aunts filtered out, and Yukino had thrown the entire (private) footage up on Youtube.

"We like you more than Morgana," Tatsuya said.

"You're legally obligated to," Akira sighed.

"Tacchi isn't," Jun chirped. "Just me."

"Papa, are you planning on returning me to the store?" Akira sighed again, overdramatics almost hitting Eikichi levels. "Since you still have the receipt..."

"Of course not." Jun's face crinkled into a smile. "Now, this sashimi I bought by accident might be a different story..."

Morgana flew into the kitchen at mach 5 and almost took out a lamp.

Uncle Baofu visited last. Akira had a sneaking suspicion this was because his dad hadn't cleared a visit until Baofu could confirm he wasn't going to teach Akira how to smuggle opioids into inland black markets.

Morgana, ever the image of social grace and subtlety, took one look at Baofu and said "Is this the uncle that does all the illegal stuff?"

"That would be me," Baofu said. "Why does your cat talk?"

"It's a neat trick I taught him," Akira said, without missing a beat. "Wanna see a cool trick I learned?"

"If it's 'chicken fried rice' in Cantonese again, absolutely not."

"It isn't."

Baofu still looked suspicious. "Then...?"

"It's 'pork fried rice' in Cantonese."

Jun and Tatsuya did eventually sit Akira down and ask why he had a talking cat, where he'd gotten a talking cat, and whether or not there was a government-funded lab churning out hideous abominations they needed to be concerned about. Akira didn't know how to explain the Metaverse, so he stumbled through some non-answer about Morgana's quest for identity instead. It wasn't a great answer, but he figured he could explain it better after some time organizing his not-drugged-out thoughts and slamming another 3 bowls of instant ramen.

It was nice to be home.

**Author's Note:**

> yes juns phone call is based on a true story, no im not smart enough to do engineering. can we get an f in the stream chat


End file.
